Doing some personal rebuilding

Added: Saima Penrose - Date: 03.02.2022 21:37 - Views: 12817 - Clicks: 1662

These two parts are inextricably bound up together, and, as a matter of fact, part two follows from part one.

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You get a clear, bright, and shiny message of validation of yourself as a person. The one person with whom it works proves to you, in the course of being together, that he or she really gets who you are. Only someone who has plunged your depths and finds you amazing, special, and wonderful can offer this level of validation.

Knowing the other person, genuinely knowing, is the cornerstone of intimacy. So you have allowed one person into your inner world, in the course of being together, and each step of the way you felt understood. This person, in return, continues to be intrigued by that process of knowing you, and wants more.

That is part one how your partner makes you feel. You feel exhilarated because after carefully letting down your guard to someone, this person has appreciated having been given the tremendous gift of you. Part two how you feel about your partner flows from this. As you let him or her into your private self, your partner did the same. A self that is very similar to yours! Although opposites do attract, the fundamental, deep-down attraction comes from a reflection of oneself.

It is not on the surface. The answer is: betrayal. You got hurt and betrayed. But even ignoring a spouse when he or she is talking is betrayal. Your spouse might be hurt, too. Now, just suppose the two of you want to maintain the marriage. You may have had children together. How in the world can you get back to opening yourself up to someone who has hurt you? How can you possibly fall in love with such a person again?

What can you do? My answer is: Feeling can come back, but the process is backwards from the way it was the first time. The first time, you just opened yourself up and there it was. Your partner must prove to you, in every conceivable way, that he or she has changed. You must be patient, too—with your spouse and with yourself. Your spouse will realize that change goes way beyond no longer being ugly with you. This may take time, and perhaps help from outside sources.

And you can allow yourself time to heal from the hurts of the past, because that is a natural process that cannot be rushed. This is a wonderful step. It is akin to noticing how your child is improving in math or picking up a language. There is the dawning awareness that your spouse is growing. Because your guard remains up that was one in this listyour powers of observation are keen, and you can see that something new is on the horizon.

From this, respect and trust begin to grow. Allow this step the time it needs to unfold. The more respectworthy observations you make, the stronger your trust will be in your spouse. Respect and trust will allow you to open up, little by little. These are the new things that you will be able to talk about. You become willing to be vulnerable and open more and more. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy. The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. Falling out of love Doing some personal rebuilding not always have to mean that there has been a betrayal. It might simply mean that the couple has grown apart and cannot seem to make their way back together again. I actually think that this could be a good thing for some couples, so that they do not waste any time on something that is not right for either one of them. There are times when I think that this is a possibility and times when it is not. If this is something where the two of you have remained together and do in all honesty still love each other, then I definitely think that it is possible to fall Doing some personal rebuilding love with that same person all over again.

But for many couples the hurt runs too deep, and there is nothing that is going to bring those feelings back for them, no matter how hard they try.

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And you have to be on the lookout too, because sometimes they will appear to have changed on the surface but when you start to dig a little deeper you might find that really they have only stayed the same. The pain or hurt can only run as deep as the Love is. Hurt is a reaction to fear, and in a place of Love, there is no room for fear or anything else. Doing some personal rebuilding is the only thing that is Real.

If both people in a relationship can open thier minds to understand that there is nothing but Love in our classroom we are all living in, then healing happens and the heart is the winner for both. Trust is rebuilt, and the deception in our minds that thinks there is fear is unveiled to show the light around us. Hi Dr. Now that I have worked through my issues that were preventing me from committing to him, and I see how much i truly love him, I am afraid he will not feel the same way about me anymore. Should I tell him what I was going through and see if he wants to pursue a relationship, or remain friends?

If I should tell him, how would I assuage that conversation? This is exactly how I feel. You could not have said it better. I have been with a man twice my age for four years now he has broken and shook my trust in every way possible. I hate it, I do not know how to fix it anymore. I feel the same. On the surface in the beginning on good behavior and then the same ole same ole is back.

I am so confused. I thought we were on the same — but after the silent treatment for 3 weeks I said well apparently I am not worth it for you to not try to talk to me. I have been in this situation before and its not easy. Falling in love with someone who hurt you-Not an easy thing by any means but is a lot smoother of a journey when the other person truly recognizes his or her hurtful actions and comes along to comfort or apologize.

And a no-repeat is a given-repeated hurt is something that even the mot patient person would hate! Oh yowies eeks!!!! I hate that the one I love hurt me so bad that its hard to love myself. And why I think that cause he wouldent even talk to me till he seen me with someone else. IDK What to do can someone help me with what I should do? I had the same occurrence with my ex. He described that he could not get over me so he tried to hate me, which he Doing some personal rebuilding could not do. It is an awful hurt that comes with this type of break up and I have empathy and can see his point.

We all respond differently to being hurt and rejection is tough to deal with. I understand what he was trying to do.

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In the end neither of us were happy with anyone else. So we are taking the tough challenge to rebuild. We both have grown a lot and both are willing to do the work. I was hurt by my ex, I caught him sending sex pics to some random girl that he talked to years before claiming we were broke up. I like the thought of being with someone else because I dont wanna be with a liar and a cheat. Someone tell me what to do??

We have a daughter together. But Priest Andrew came into the picture and things turned out to be how i have ever wanted it to be………. I will forever be grateful to him for the rest of my life, Am so happy!!!!!!!!!! I you loved them once, you can surely love them again. My boyfriend Doing some personal rebuilding he fell out of love im 6 months pregnantthe problem was that i treated him really bad and he was the best man in the worlddd he did everything and anything he could for me i was hia princess.

When he realized how i treated him he changed he sais he lost respect for me he heard rumors aboute cheating on him and makes everything worst he said he dosent want me anymore or ever want to be with me.

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I wonder if he can ever fall in love with me again. Falling in love is heavenly, falling out is like being in hell. I fell out of love with my baby. She is a wonderful woman. Truly blessed. But by my actions. Betraying my baby. I fell out of love. Our relationship is long distance. Trying to figure out how to bring back that love joy happiness back. Confessed and was forgiven.

Some days feel normal. Some feel distant. Some are really painful. Feel so lost. My world is up side down. Hey Steve, thanks for commenting on my article — and on your sincere remorse. It truly is possible to rebuild.

Doing some personal rebuilding

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